Mom, I would really really love to write you quite a long email this week, but I don't have the time. We went and played basketball today (my first time in 8 months!) and I don't have as much time as I generally do. But we'll see what I accomplish in 10 minutes. Please excuse the spelling errors.
Anyways, it was a tough week for me. Not because anything incredibly bad happened, but it's tough. We have no investigators because all of our investigators that we had were on the other side of the division. ANd, as of right now, we have no surprises coming out of the woodwork. WE are visiting a lot of less actives and members and seeing the success there (more on that later), but as far as investigators go, we are struggling. And what really makes matters worse is the fact that I can see the end of the mission.
I'm not counting, but I realized today that I only have 10 weeks left. Ten. That's it. That's a hard fact to ignore. I wake up in the morning and I can feel the air on my face and it feels like Minnesota air and I tell myself, "forget about it - you've got a long time before your there again" and then I realize it's a lie. It's not that long at all. I'm not trunky, per se, but it is hard to focus sometimes. Especially when you are not running from appointment to appointment. When I am teaching or having a successful day, I do not think about the big Omega. It's when I am walking, looking for old investigators or imaginary references, when suddenly, strongly invade the thoughts about what I will do in three months. That's why I want more work. Because I need these last three months to be something spectacular.
The reason I say that is that I reflect on my mission and I see change. I have become a more patient and tolerant person. I have learned how to open up more and I have learned how to care about other people more. I have learned how to work hard and how to study. But I haven't learned enough. I am still impatient and I still turn into a little kid again every time I am around a dominant personality. I still think about myself way too often and I still like to sit around too often and do nothing. THese things have to change. And these are the only two years (pardon, three months) of my life when I am specially commissioned by the Lord to develop these qualities. In no other era will I be so helped by some many positive influences. THere will be no other moment of my life when it is so easy to keep the commandments of God and therefore in no other moment will it be so easy to be guided by the Spirit. I need to use this time wisely and I feel like I need more time. This is something I've learned from my Elder's quorum president in my first area and subsequently from my mission president. I haven't been quite as polished as I would have liked. And that's my fault.
That's why I appreciate your thoughts. I've heard that Elder Holland talk a lot, but it is great to hear about it again, especially considering that I will be baptizing a little girl this Saturday of a woman I have worked really hard to keep active. I need to keep my mission for the rest of my life. And although I am afraid of normal life, I am not afraid of not being able to adjust to it. I am afraid of adjusting too much to it. I remember when Taggart came home and Aubrey and I took it upon ourselves to normalize him. I remember him protesting about not wanting to be "normal." I get that. I do not want to be the person I was before the mission. I want to get up on time (maybe not 6:30, but by 8 at the very least), I want to study hard, I want to work hard, I want to focus (one of my weakest areas), I want to love others more than I love myself.
I appreciate every single moment of my mission. Perhaps I haven't enjoyed every moment, but I appreciate them. I certainly feel like I know a lot better who I am now than before the mission. I am more confident that I will achieve my goals. And I feel like my priorities have been rearranged a little bit, which I needed.
Tell dad I really appreciated his email. Obedience is something I learned a long time ago, but I needed that reminder now. This is the time when the little things start becoming hard. I need exact obedience now exactly like I needed it when I started the mission.
So my cool inactive story will have to wait. I will tell you next week. Just remind me please. By the way, a package has arrived for me, it's just sitting in the mission offices. I do not know if it is from you or another person, but it is there. I am excited for TAggart, though everybody here asks me, "why doesn't he just wait a month a half for you?" I would have love to have been there, but it's better that he gets married now. Just make sure I get a video of his reception of something. I've never been to a sealing before. I'm also glad that Aubrey is safe. I've had to answer a lot of questions about her too. Love you all and I'll see you in two years!
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